A small contribution to humanity

Today, I'd like to talk about long toenails.

Now, I know many of you are thinking - wait, isn't this blog supposed to be about Ack's experiences in Singapore? And I understand your reason behind asking that question, really I do. However, I feel I would be doing a great disservice to humanity by not addressing this issue, dear Readers.  This has got to stop and it's starts today.

(...Actually, I just realized there IS a way to tie the long toenail issue into the original scope of my blog. See, I am experiencing the long toenail here in Singapore, perhaps more often than in the States, due to the constant high temperatures, which then leads to everyone constantly wearing open-toe shoes and flipflops, leading to my throwing up inside my own mouth at least twice a day.  There, now it all comes together and we can move on.)

Here's the situation (or situ, as I like to say to help save time while speaking) - long toenails are far too common and are blighting what otherwise could be perfectly fine feet everywhere.

I get that long toenails were appropriate when we were apes still hanging out in trees, grabbing for dangling fruit off branches. Back in the day, long toenails where probably quite the boon to our ability to climb, so that you could get food to eat and survive, or perhaps to trade for sex, which is also quite key to survival. Especially if you were a hairy ape with rotting teeth and hair mites, as I imagine that bribery was occasionally necessary to woe the ladies.

Anyway...so, I get it. Long toe nails have a place in our history and have probably played an important role in the survival of our species.  But today, I rarely see any reason to need to climb a tree, especially to reach dangling fruit to trade for sex. We have all these cool inventions today, like...  ladders. And fruit pickers. And grocery stores with every fruit you've ever desired sitting there just waiting to be bought for mere dollars. Plus, we even found a way to turn body hair into something sexy through cleverly designed manscaping, and there is perfectly good medicine if you somehow find yourself with a case of hair mites. Fruit as a sex bribe is no longer necessary.

That means there is no reason to climb a tree past the age of 10 in this day and age. Hence, there is no physical need for long toe nails. You wouldn't still use your arms to help you scamper across the ground, would you? No, of course not, because we have moved past that into this wonderful upright position that allows us to look much better in shirts. So why would you choose to hang on to the long toe nails??

But yet, some people are hanging on to those babies with vengeance.  As I've recently become obsessed with the incongruity of this phenomenon, I've done a little stealthy investigation and have observed quite a varied range - scraggly and yellow with what I'm hoping is tanning lotion stain because I can't begin to ponder what else if could actually be, ones so long they're curling over flip flops (yes, I said over flip flops), others crammed into too-small peep toe shoes and struggling to break free, and the real kicker, PAINTED ones with what seems to often be polka dots, or something in the same ridiculous range, so as to perhaps accentuate the length. I am actually getting nauseous typing this.

So, I've decided it's time to take a stand. It's going to take a world-wide movement to put an end to this craziness, because it's everywhere - even if you don't see it because you live somewhere that requires socks 24/7 to keep away frostbite, it's STILL THERE. Under the sock. Or even worse, scratching you in bed.

We have to take a stand, put our trimmed-toenailed foot down and bring those gripped by the insanity back to reason. It takes courage, commitment and patience, I know, but it's worth it. If not for your sake and for the sake of your peers, then do it for your grandchildren.

All you need to say is something along this line - Hey long-toenailed person, you don't need to climb a tree anymore to survive, it's time to trim those babies up and become a part of the human race.

That's not so hard, right? A little effort from us all, and we can end the madness. We can even start a facebook page and take this viral.

So, who's with me??