Service with a... grunt

Okay, if you've read my blog before then you know that I am truly enjoying Singapore. So I preempt my below comments with that statement.

Singapore has it all - an international, multi-cultural community, phenomenal public services, super easy travel, balmy weather 24-7, ridiculous shopping and delish food. For a country that strives so hard to be amazing and best-in-class, it's almost funny to see how far off the mark they are when it comes to service. If you live here or have traveled here, this will come as no shock to you because it's pretty much part of the local dialogue for expats and travelers. But for everyone else not familiar with the Lion City, let me boil it down for you real simple - Singapore service sucks.

Now, I will caveat by saying that I have certainly had moments of fantastic service here. Hilarious cabbies, wonderful waiters, grocery store workers that take the time to explain what the hell the difference is between the TWENTY-SEVEN different versions of hotdogs, etc. However, these are the glimmering moments of hope in a sea of bad service stories. As someone with years of waitressing, bartending, beer-cart driving and corporate customer service experience, I can tell you it's not because Singaporeans are rude, or because they don't have the skills, or anything of that nature. It really all comes down to one simple thing.... tipping.

In the States, tipping is a way of life. You tip your bartender, waiter, taxi driver, doorman, delivery guy, porter, coffee barista, hotel concierge - hell, you even essentially tip the homeless people on the street in recognition of their gumption for asking. And the better the service, the bigger the tip.  In dear Singapore, not so much. First of all, the homeless people are apparently miraculously transparent, because I never see them. So if they're asking for money, it's invisible and therefore moot.  Secondly, crappy $4.25/hr + tips pay is unheard of.  Most restaurants and bars have instituted a 10% "service charge" to bills, but it's not the same as being broke as a joke because you paycheck is occasionally negative after taxes and having to scrape by on tips based on your sparkling personality and service attitude.  People here just automatically pay the 10% and the "tips" are split between everyone.  No behavioral impetus to blow someone's socks off with unbelievable service, because your colleague can sit on his tail for the whole shift and still get some cashflow. And tipping a taxi driver is practically anathema to Singaporeans.

But for those of you that know me, you know I am a woman of action. So, I have decided I am going to single-handedly begin a revolution.

Sounds pretty big and important, right? Like maybe I'm going to start an Occupy Singapore Service movement or something.  Well, let's be honest. That's not happening. Perhaps revolution is a little over-the-top, but I'll stick with it.

Here's my revolution plan - it's essentially the offspring of a pyramid scheme and Oprah's pay-it-forward:
 - Step One: I step up my frequenting of local bars and restaurants, and increase my laziness factor to ensure constant usage of delivery guys and taxi drivers.
 - Step Two: I leave more-than-10% tips each time they do something that is actually part of their job.
 - Step Three: I tell them how impressed I was with their service attitude and that I want to tip them so they are compensated for their service. I ensure that I say this with gusto at all times.
 - Step Four: These people now go out into Singapore with my deeply inspiring words resonating in their heads and my money burning in their pocket. When they see good service, they will then repeat Steps Two and Three.
 - Step Five: This new, even bigger group of people go out with the previous peeps money and inspiring words (obviously missing my I-had-a-dream resonance, but still a good message), and repeats Two and Three for each good service experience.
 - Step Six: People become addicted to getting and giving tips, and unaccepting of bad service.
 - Step Seven: Singapore becomes world-renowned for their service culture, making my life easier and it more fun to go out.

I'm pretty sure I can get this done in about six weeks. Maybe eight, since I'm traveling back to the U.S. for Christmas, so that leaves a gap in the revolution timeline. Eitherway, I'm feeling like I've got a good shot at some big government award, or maybe a Nobel prize by the time I'm 34.

And, what better time to start this revolution than RIGHT NOW? Nope, no lolly-gagging for me. In fact, I hear my doorbell being rung by what I am sure will be the most amazingly service oriented (or soon to be) delivery guy. Excuse me, I have a revolution to start....